Taste and See

This past July I attended the She Speaks Conference for the first time. I could hardly wait to get back and share my excitement - you know how that is! You attend this amazing conference, meet new people, worship wholeheartedly, and are filled to the brim with the living Word of God. You are so on fire for God you just want to shout it out to everyone. You feel like you are so high on top of the mountain that there is no way you could come down.

That’s how I felt on the way home. Then Monday hit. My whole thought process and feelings changed. It was as quick as ice melts outside in the summertime. I went from this feeling of needing to shout my praises to everyone to one of closing myself off in my room silently.

I know what you are thinking. This is starting to sound depressing. You are probably thinking I am in a really bad place and you have to time to listen to me whine.

Good news! It’s not depressing and you don’t have to listen to to me whine! The week following my return, I spent a few hours each day in silence. I didn’t pull out my notes nor did I try to recapture everything that was said and everything that happened. I even went radio silent! I turned my phone off and withdrew from social media. All so that I could simply rest in Christ and let Him continue working in me. Through this silence I discovered a place I have never experienced before. I gained perspective and insight on what God was, and is, truly showing me through the conference. That’s when I realized as much as I want to share with everyone and help them have a taste of what I received, I just can’t.  

Psalm 34:8 says, “Taste and see that the Lord is good.” The key to that scripture is in the word taste. I met a friend at the conference who was telling me how she has some food allergies, so she doesn’t know how many desserts taste. Instead, she has her daughter try to describe what she is tasting as she eats the desserts, thus giving her a glimpse of how good it might be. However, she will never truly know how delicious and amazing it is because she cannot taste it. She can’t experience it personally. It's the same way with the Lord. It is a personal thing to taste and see that the Lord is good. No one can do it for us. They can share their feelings and experiences, but that does not, cannot make it personal to you or me.

I can’t recreate this experience for anyone no matter how hard I try or how deeply I desire to. I can’t because I experienced God in a way I never have before. I didn’t just have a mountain top experience. Therefore, I cannot you give you some amazing talk or even pray an elaborate prayer that will make you or anyone else jump on board and fly straight up to the mountaintop with me. It's too personal for that.

I didn’t just get “on fire for God” at this conference. I was changed. My heart was changed. My outlook changed. My desires changed. I have followed Christ a long time. I have felt His presence in real ways. I have been changed by Him before, but there is something much different about this experience.

This change didn’t come from a time of hurt, struggles, or trials. It did not come during a time of deep searching for change or growth. It came in a thunderous whisper to my heart in the midst of a crowded room and it continued in a rush of silence in the stillness of my bedroom. This change is slow, durable, and beautiful.

So what is my biggest take away from my time at She speaks? To quote Lysa TerKeurst, “God is good. God is good to me. God is good at being God.”

I thought She Speaks was going to be this great time of connecting with excellent writers and speakers who are in love with God. I thought I was going to get all kinds of inside knowledge into writing and/or speaking. I hoped to come home with new and exciting tools to use with my writing and speaking. All of these things were true and I am so thankful for them. However, what God revealed to me about myself and about His desires for me, I could have never expected.

He gave me what I needed most when I could not even see a need. He opened my eyes and my heart to the joy that comes from claiming His confidence, His strength, and from seeking Him with my whole heart. He showed me the perfection of His timing and His plan. He showed me the immeasurable love He has had for me since I was in my mother’s womb. He showed me every step He has walked me through and every door He has opened - and closed - so I would be here for such a time as this!

As much as I would love to share every tiny detail of this time I’ve had with my Savior, there just aren’t enough words, time, or emotions for a blog post. If you see me, ask me. Just make sure you have some time! I really would love to share more with you.

I can tell you this. Don't close yourself off to letting God move in ways you do not expect and in places you do not expect. Be ready to dance where He leads. Do not take quiet moments with God for granted. Take them with gratitude. Do not think that in a crowded conference of 800 women He cannot speak quietly right to your heart with just what you need to to hear in order to change you for such a time as this. Be ready for the makeover. Why?

Because God is good! God is good to you! God is good at being God!